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The Art of Letting Go

The Art of Letting Go: Why There is Nothing To Do

June 20, 2018 |


I breathe out, this morning, as I walk into change.  In this moment, it feels messy, uncomfortable, and there’s a tight sensation in my chest.  I feel abandoned, I feel the need to control and I feel agitated by people’s responses to my feelings, if indeed, I decide to share them.  It’s the experience of ‘letting go’ that feels difficult to me.  Some people love it; some people know that they thrive on it; I’ve always felt a struggle, though.  So, why does it feel this way?


Why We See What We See

The first thing I observe is that this feels like a pattern for me.  I always see ‘letting go’ as bad.  In the past I have gained insights about this in that my Dad would walk in and out of my life, and every time I would feel this as painful – naturally, right?  I learned to ‘think’ that he wouldn’t be coming back, and that I was unwanted, and that this was forever.  I applied meaning to my thinking, and then applied this thinking to everything that felt like an ‘ending.’  I coped with this by attempting to control and understand things.

What I didn’t realise was that this was an illusion of my mind.  Him leaving had nothing to do with me, and everything to do with him.  Not only that, but he knew no different, and there was no meaning in any of it, even though I tried to attach some.

Further, I attached the meaning I thought I’d found to everything else, in an attempt to control my being abandoned and hurt.  But this is all just the power of the mind.  Because, we are never separate, and we cannot be abandoned.  We are always connected – because, we are one spiritual being.  All that happens is that, whilst we are living in our human bodies, we gain the power of thought which allows us the capacity to think that we are disconnected and separate.  And we live in the feeling of this thinking, moment to moment, attaching meaning to things that just ‘are’.


Remembering We Live Moment to Moment

In an earlier moment, this new change felt exciting, and joyful.  I know that this will be the same in the next moment.  Because, living as a human experiencing life through ‘thought,’ our thinking changes moment to moment.  This is how we live.  We only ever have the moment we are in.


Change is Constant: There is Nothing to Let Go Of

Not only that, but this show how life is always evolving; it is an illusion that we are ever staying still in the first place.  If we are always moving forwards, then it is an illusion that we need to let go: if we are always evolving, there isn’t even anything to let go of in the first place.  We never had stillness to let go of.  There is only movement forwards and evolution.  And the truth in that, my dears, is infinite possibility!  It is exciting!

A wise person said to me once that “health is the ability to adapt,” and I believe this is true.  Because, as I say, we are in an ‘illusion’ that we are staying still in life, we are never ‘actually’ still.  There is a constant flux, a constant evolution.  At the point we believe we think we are stable, we feel stuck in this illusion, and our wellbeing becomes imbalanced.


It’s Just a Thought

Or we ‘think’ it does.  Really, we are never stuck.  We can drop this thinking and dance forwards, just by understanding the nature of what it is to be a human experiencing life through our thinking, moment to moment.  Remembering that we are always experiencing our feelings through our thinking really helps.

Take my example of feeling that it is a ‘struggle’ to ‘let go’, for example.  Once I remember that we are in constant flux, I realise the truth that we are always moving forwards and that there is nothing really to let go of.  It still feels real, but it makes sense that my ‘thinking’ is leading me to believe something that isn’t true.  Likewise, once I remember that my feeling of being abandoned is from my ‘thinking’ that I can even be abandoned, and that underneath that thinking, I know I am always connected because we are one, and that I only experience this because it is something I learned from early experience, I remember that this is an illusion too!


Still Feeling It: Rituals for Remembering the Truth

I can still feel the emotions that come up, but I can observe the nature of being human, and know that it is OK – I am OK – and it will pass, and eventually I will see the clarity.  There will be even deeper insights that I cannot wait to see.  In the meantime, I enjoy some rituals whilst I remember the truth.  I take some nice deep breaths – exhaling and inspiring, noticing how easily my natural breath intuitively remembers that there is nothing to change, but just function as needed in the moment.  Breath just breathes.  I follow the nice feelings of doing something I love – like burning sage and writing about my thoughts and feelings in my journal – and I just stay in this moment, knowing that soon I will realise the truth: that there is nothing to do, I am perfectly ok and that we are always evolving!

We are whole, connected and perfect – and there is infinite possibility because of the nature of evolution.  We are blessed with this truth!






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Nicole Barton

Life Mentor, Nicole Barton, is something of a unicorn within the self-help industry for her candid notion that nobody needs self-help. She is a breath of fresh air in her admission that while anything that leads us into soul-led expression is useful to shift us from our heads and into our hearts, none of these practices are prerequisites to peace, as long as people reconnect to the simple truth of who they are. Nicole supports people in finding freedom from suffering through workshops, global retreats and one-to-ones, and is working on her first book. Visit her at and

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